A Note to None

A man wrote, the day spent alone gifted me a night darker than ever. I was trying to write, but drunk and high, all I did was I cried like a baby that night. I have been my own worst critic. I’m the guy who stands in front of a mirror and mentions every single flaw in myself. It was one of those days again when I felt the world against myself.

Just the last morning, everything felt so different. I woke up happy, energetic, and positive. After my vocal exercises and basic morning things, I was all set to begin my to-do list for that day. It was really a happy day as I was launching my own fashion brand. My father was 42 when I was born and 60 when I turned 18, so I love being around mature old people. Even my fashion brand was dedicated to them. Before I made the website live and started the first day with great energy, I had a call. A call that made me so numb that cutting my hand wouldn’t have drawn blood.

In the 15th chapter of “Think and Grow Rich” by Napolean Hill, he describes the six ghosts of fear. I feel I have the 4th one, “the fear of LOSS OF LOVE OF SOMEONE”. I have lost many things in my life, but I am scared of losing people I love. I have fewer people in my life—less people who understand me—and I can count them on my single hand. Unfortunately, that day, I lost one of them—my wife. That call felt like it shattered me completely. It was as if everything I knew had been torn apart. I couldn't think straight for hours afterward. She abused, blamed, and asked to sign the divorce papers she had already signed and sent. She was into another man; later, I knew. Losing someone like her left me incomplete and alone.

I launched my brand the same day. I've made myself believe, ‘I care about none’. It was hard to tackle those painful thoughts. As the evening wore on, I felt more and more alone, and the day spent alone gifted me a night darker than ever.

I still remember her and that day. I never thought of losing her, and like that, never ever. I cried a lot that day, but never after that. I never felt I deserved to be judged and abandoned like that. As I was drunk, I don’t remember much of how I managed myself, but I left some words out of my heart on my guitar.

I wrote,

A note to none

Oh, fair maiden! Hear my plea,

When I’m gone, let nary a soul see,

Me lying with a smile so still,

Save for those who my heart did fill.

None but the kind and true should come.

To pay their final when life’s undone,

T’would be sad, a sight so grim.

But cut my hair like the way I trim,

And let no hands, rough or bold,

Disturb my final resting hold.

My grave with exotic marble and sand,

Don’t say goodbye, just kiss my hand......